tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
