just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
