You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
