I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
