My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
