Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
