he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
