How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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