never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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