He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
