I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
