Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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