you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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