this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
