I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
