have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
