Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
