The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
