Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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