Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize