is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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