God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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