Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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