fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
