Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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