Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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