just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
