making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
