i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
