I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
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