maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
