all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
