Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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