he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
