I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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