Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
