...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
