my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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