just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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