Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
