I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
