That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
