but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
