I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
