I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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