just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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