I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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