Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
