i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She told me I should be a condom model.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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