im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
