i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
