I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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