she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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