I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
