I puked a lego.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize