For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
