Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
PANTIES FOUND
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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