We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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