Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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