Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
