i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
