and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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