I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
