Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
