Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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