I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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