Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
