happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
