so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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