True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
