I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
