Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
