I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You're a waste of cheezeits
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
