i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
oh god was she eating orange peels again
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
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