Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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