see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
