Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
