I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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