i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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