So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
