I wish I could teleport
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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