ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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