You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
